Becoming a parent is one of the biggest adventures in life – but how do you balance parenthood with working in WordPress? New mum, WordPress community veteran, and HM Associate Director of Engineering Jenny Wong shares how she’s found ways to juggle both, and reveals her top tips and pitfalls for other parents facing the same balancing act.
Returning to work in WordPress as a new parent
Following the birth of my kid, I was lucky enough to be able to return to work part-time. I know not everyone has this option, but it really helped me to establish a routine, catch up on what’s been going on, and provide space for me to adjust to the wild new reality of being a working WordPress parent! Human Made’s open Company Handbook has more details on the support the company offers during parental leave.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but it struck me just how much of my identity was wrapped up in who I was pre-baby. Initially, I struggled to accept that I couldn’t immediately jump back in the same way I was before.
It sounds obvious in retrospect, but the physical side of things was something I was unprepared for! I was more tired, my brain could be a bit foggy since I now had more on my mind than whatever task was in front of me, and, as a breastfeeding mother, I was at the beck and call of a hungry little dude.
On top of all this, I was also promoted to Associate Director of Engineering during my parental leave (HM offers Enhanced Parental Leave, which you can read more about in our Handbook). I think this speaks volumes about the kind of company Human Made is, and proves that the motherhood penalty is a totally ridiculous societal construct! However, while I was thrilled with the advancement and recognition, it was a challenge to step into a new role having been away for almost a year.
I’ve now returned to work full-time, and I’ve made all the mistakes so you don’t have to. Here’s the seven pieces of advice I’d give to any new parent returning to work in WordPress.
1. Listen to your body
It’s probably not a shock to hear that you’ll be more tired than before you became a parent, but the reality of it can hit hard. I found that after breastfeeding, all I really wanted to do was curl up and close my eyes for an hour. This is a natural biological response, and fighting against it is pointless and stressful for both you and baby – I learned the hard way!
In time, you’ll learn some strategies for working around your energy levels: for me, it was staying hydrated, and setting healthy boundaries with myself and the baby – if I was at home with them, I’d find it nigh on impossible not to feed them when I heard them start to get hungry, but by moving to a co-working space, I gave myself the space I needed to focus and build a proper separation of work and home life.
Despite spending most of my working life in front of a screen, after so long away I found my eyes were no longer used to it; my optical prescription had changed and I needed new glasses. Make sure you pay attention to any new discomfort! This goes for your desk setup too – bodies change, and maybe what worked before won’t suit you now.
This advice applies to everyone all the time, but it’s particularly important for new parents who have had their old routines upended by small humans: remember to eat, drink, and take regular screen breaks!
2. Parent guilt is real, but it’s ok
When I first returned to work as a parent in WordPress, I found it a really stressful experience to be on a Zoom call when the baby started to cry – I would feel guilty about letting down my colleagues by having to rush off to attend to them. I’ve found some middle ground by realising that my colleagues and I are cool with me breastfeeding while on a Zoom call, but I appreciate that may not be possible or preferable for everyone.
Similarly, I felt guilty about being at work if my kid needed me. We can’t win with these kinds of feelings, and they can be very draining. But I found that people are super understanding about it, and the only one stressing out was me!
I think we should be more open about saying it’s OK to drop everything to deal with your child. No one expects you to ignore a small baby to discuss a non-urgent work matter: we’re humans, and we should prioritise the wellbeing of another human over a task that can be done an hour later. This is WordPress; the world won’t end if you have to reschedule! Everyone has been very understanding of my changeable schedule, and with a bit of flexibility, it’s totally manageable.
Using ‘out of office’ periods on my calendar during times I know I’m likely to be needed by my kid has also been useful. That way, if I end up being available, I can think of it as bonus time back. Be up front about the type of flexibility you need – trying to fit yourself into your old patterns of being ‘always on’ won’t work.
3. You’re not alone
Asking other parents about their experiences has been a lifeline for me. A few weeks ago, I posted in our female-friendly Slack channel about struggling with balancing breastfeeding and work, and it brought me real comfort to know that other mums had dealt with exactly the same thing. They also shared their strategies for overcoming it, and I was so grateful that this was one less thing that I had to figure out for myself.
The more we talk, the more we learn, and the less alone we feel. It can be a lonely time as a new parent, especially if you start comparing yourself to those parents who seem to breeze through and have it all figured out. But I’ve realised that we’re all in the same boat – some are just more open about the tough realities of parenthood than others!
Never be embarrassed or shy to ask for support or advice. I guarantee you there will be others in exactly your situation, and we’ll all be better off by shining a light on what we’re going through.
4. Organisation is half the battle
One of the most time-efficient hacks I’ve learned is to do a 20-minute reset at the end of the day. When you’re working all day and trying to parent, it’s easy for domestic tasks to slip to the bottom of the priority list. But having a calm environment really does help with having a calm mind, even if it’s just so you don’t have to spend an extra 15-minutes searching for a pacifier or a pen!
As well as doing a quick tidy once the baby has gone down for the night, I’d also recommend planning your time generally. Carving out time for yourself in some way, whether it’s going for a walk with a friend or taking an hour out for a hobby you love, protecting at least an hour each week for ‘you’ time is a fantastic way to stay sane and not feel totally overwhelmed by all the demands now on your plate.
The same goes for work. When I first came back, that overwhelming feeling of knowing there was no way I’d ever be able to clear my inbox and catch up on every Slack channel, post, and meeting request was real. Once the panic cleared, I realised that there was actually no need to – an email from five months ago is unlikely to be relevant today, and if it is, I can catch up when it’s raised again with up-to-date context. Archiving is your new best friend.
Similarly, blocking out time in your calendar for regular tasks is a great strategy for staying on top of everything. If 10-11am on a Monday is inbox-clearing time, you’ll be in the right headspace to get through it without your brain churning over the 37 other tasks you’ve got that week. Make a plan, and stick to it where possible – just like babies, we WordPress parents need routine too!
5. Start your child care plan before you go back to work
Relatedly, regardless of the type of child care you are planning for your return to work, start it a couple of weeks early if you can. I made the mistake of returning to full time at the same time as this was happening, and it was a tricky experience to juggle.
I didn’t realise that the nursery would need a settling-in week, and that depending on the kid’s temperament, you might be called in an hour after they arrived on-site. I also didn’t realise my kid would be miffed at me for dropping them off at their grandparents for a whole day.
Doing this a couple of weeks early would have allowed me to be flexible, and to be present for the kid as they adjusted.
6. Don’t stay home! Parent at WordPress events: baby on board at WCEU
The WordPress community is inclusive by design, and that includes being welcoming to parents and children. I attended the Human Made company retreat in Greece in April before returning from maternity leave, and was able to bring my mum with me to support. This was great practice for attending WCEU in Torino this June.
Being able to attend (and feeling supported and encouraged to do so) with a baby in tow is fab – why should parents have to miss out? We’re the same skilled, professional people we were pre-baby, and it’s always an excellent opportunity to learn, develop new skills, and network with our peers and community friends.
I felt that the WCEU organisers had done a great job in providing a separate nursery space for parents to take children out of the noise, breastfeed, or have some chilled play time, and it was fantastic to see childcare on offer for children over three years old. The nursery facilities could be better advertised so that even more parents are aware they can do both.
That said, the lack of a TV screen in the nursery meant I missed out on some sessions I really wanted to see – the simple addition of a couple of trolley-mounted TVs with subtitles and low volume on would have made a world of difference to the experience of the parents in the nursery: we’d have been able to keep one eye on our kids while still feeling like we’re properly part of the WordCamp experience. Even being able to chat amongst ourselves about the talks as they were happening would have felt like a really valuable bonding opportunity.
7. Be kind to yourself
Yes, starting a family is a wonderful and joyous time, but it’s also really, really tough. No amount of baby cuddles and cuteness will change that!
Your life is turned upside down pretty much overnight, and regardless of how many ‘what to expect’ books and blogs you’ve poured over, it will take a while to adjust to the reality of having to split yourself between being a parent and a WordPress professional. There will be compromises made, and you’ll sometimes feel like you’re failing at both, but you’re absolutely not.
Give yourself some grace, and even on the bad days, acknowledge that you’re doing a bloomin’ wonderful job of raising a child and making a living at the same time.
You got this!